live like we're dying

My roommate had a near-death experience this past weekend. Kind of.

At around 2:30 on Friday, I was having the time of my life at Gap. The buy-one get-one free sale was making my head spin, and I was in a state of sheer ecstasy. Until I got the phone call.

Me: "Yo."

Alison: "I need you to come pick me up from the eye doctor."

Me: "Huh? I don't get it."

Alison: "I need you to come pick me up and take me to the eye foundation."

Me: "What? Well, can you wait... like... 30 minutes?"

Alison: "From now or from the time you leave?"

Me (selfishly wanting to finish trying on clothes): "Uhhhh... from the time I leave. Well, ok... I guess from now. I'm on my way."

I then proceeded to make my way back to the dressing room to continue trying on clothes. I didn't realize the severity of the situation until she called back and said her optometrist told her she had to go straight to the emergency room after discovering some abnormal pressure around her optic nerve.

Having no idea what this could mean, we began to prepare for the worst. Alison (who we affectionately refer to as a "hypochondriac," and who likes to spend time on WebMD looking up every type of questionable mole on her arm) immediately expressed concern over the possibility of losing her hair. On the way to the hospital, we started to make plans for her memorial service. I practiced my speech, and we discussed what songs would be played and where it would be held. We reminisced about the past and came to the conclusion that she had lived a wonderful life. I promised to take good care of her wardrobe. I also promised to make her a website to keep her memory alive. Then we played "Live Like We're Dying" by Kris Allen on repeat. Dramatic? Yes. Funny? Absolutely.

Possibly the last picture with "the poof."

Upon arrival to the ER, we met several interesting characters. One man (who thought he was Jeff Foxworthy), kept us pretty entertained. Imagine the most obnoxious redneck voice in the world. Now imagine it saying (yelling) things like this: "This place might as well be a morgue... We gon' die before we get back to see a doctor!" and "Hey y'all, if there was a lady that was three months pregnant, she'd prolly have the baby 'fore we ever go back there." Good one. And my personal favorite: "I'm gonna miss karaoke night!!!"

When we weren't trying to avoid eye contact with this man, we enjoyed some nice easy listening courtesy of BET. Before we knew it (two hours later), we got to go back into a room. I tried to entertain her with some Step Sing moves and poetry readings, but we mostly spent our time laughing at the fact that all she wanted were new contacts, and now we were in the UAB emergency room waiting on news that could potentially change her life forever.

One CT scan and three more hours later, Alison was declared cancer/tumor/infection free. The diagnosis? I can't remember... "pseudo osmosis catheter drusen" or something like that. Treatment? A visit to the eye doctor every six months. Praise God.

Celebrating Alison's life.

I want to make something very clear. Many people may find it odd, even borderline-sacrilegious that we were talking and joking about death. But for a follower of Christ, death is nothing to fear. We were able to joke about hair loss and memorial services because we have a deep confidence that this life isn't all there is. I know Alison is beyond thankful to have received a good report. But even if she had received bad news, I know she would have a peace knowing the Creator of the Universe had everything under control.

Friday night was definitely one for the books. I can think of no better way to start off the weekend. Even though I didn't gain another wardrobe, I'm so happy that my friend is alive and that my rent does not increase. And I'm also quite happy about my Gap purchases.

step sing, chapter two

I promised to bring you part two of the Step Sing story. Here is the abridged version:

On Saturday night, February 20, the correctors, the shushers, the touchy-feelies, the enthusiastic girls and the girls who had no clue what they were doing, all came together to put on one cool show. The show followed a group of bank robbers as they tried to break into a vault. While the plot wasn't very realistic (70 girls could never pull off a robbery while dancing to Boom Boom Pow in matching sequin belts), it had all the elements of a good performance: suspense, action, comedy and anguish. But the best element of all? Raccoon eyes.

When the judges saw their show, they were moved to uncontrollable tears (and this year it wasn't because their ear drums were bleeding). Audience members threw roses on the stage and chanted things such as, "If those girls don't win, we'll kick you in the shin," and "Brittany for president."

Unfortunately, the judges had already agreed (and been paid $40,000 each) to let three other groups win. But the girls weren't bitter. They had accomplished what they had set out to do: not embarrass themselves.

Now that Step Sing 2010 is over, the girls are already brainstorming ideas for next year's show. Even though I will have graduated, I still have some great theme ideas for 2011. My top picks right now? Amy Grant Through the Decades or Enya: The Musical. Both are sure winners.

step sing, chapter one

I want to tell you a story.

It's about 70-ish girls who get together for three hours a night during the month of February to sing and move around on a grid made of painter's tape. We'll call this story, "Step Sing."

There are five types of girls in this tale:

1) The girls that like to correct others, especially the directors. "Uhhhhh.... WAIT! Yesterday you told us to have our right arm at a 45 degree angle. You clearly just had your hand at a 47 degree angle. I meeeean.... like.... which one do you want us to do?!"

2) The shushers. You can't miss these women. Their attempt to make everyone be quiet is usually pretty useless, because their "SHHHHHHHH"-ing is far louder--and more annoying-- than any amount of chatter.

3) The touchy-feelies. Watch out for these girls. They're sneaky. One minute you'll be having a conversation about The Bachelor, and the next minute you'll be sucked into scratching their back or braiding their hair. Not sure how, but it always happens. Best way to avoid being conned? Three words: "I have leprosy." Works every time.

4) The enthusiastic girls. These girls are the ones who actually dress up for "spirit days," whether it be hoodlum attire, their high school cheerleading uniform, or straight-up goth wear. While it may sometimes be distracting to have your neighbor's long gangster chain hit you in the face during dance moves, these girls make practices a lot more entertaining.

5) The girls who really don't know what they're doing, and usually have to be told by the younger girls where to go and what to do. These girls look forward to practices because they're interested in what snacks will be offered, and also how many times they can make inappropriate references. They usually go by the nickname of "Brittany."

Step Sing 2009. We were witches. I don't want to talk about it. Shout-out to Ellen Hill (second from the left) for this post idea.

Now you have some background about the characters in this story. Stay tuned for chapter two of "Step Sing." It's sure to be a thriller.

barry white and baby backs

Well... it's here.

The iPad, you ask?

The Big Mac Wrap?

No and no (although I am a little curious... about the Big Mac Wrap).

I'm talking about Valentine's Day.

While I don't have a Valentine this year, I have given some thought as to what my perfect Valentine's Day would be like.

The night would begin with a thunderstorm. Preferably in a cabin somewhere. I would get scared, and then this man (my Valentine) would come up behind me and say, "Hey hott stuff, don't you worry baby doll cutie pie brownie face. I've got your back, girl. You complete me." Then he would proceed to give me the Kay Jewelers Open Heart necklace from the Jane Seymour collection. What could be better than a deeply meaningful piece of jewelry designed by Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman? Nothing.

After finishing a game of one-on-one CatchPhrase, we would head out for a night on the town. Yes, we just went from a cabin to the city. It's my dream, leave me alone.

This big night out would involve lots and lots of barbeque ribs. After we polished those off, we would then go see a movie. Probably something like Twilight or Dear John... you know, something we can both enjoy. Did I mention we would sneak some ribs into the theatre? Because we would.

After the movie, we would drive around and listen to Barry White songs. When we arrived back at my apartment, my Valentine would present me with this:

Even though it is not my birthday, and my name is not Beckers, I would still be happy. He got a little confused, but at least he tried and showed how much he cared about me. After we ate all of the cookie cake, my Valentine would go home (because we are not married yet. just keeping it clean).

To top off this perfect night, I would then call up the other men in my life. Then Ben, Jerry and I would curl up to a good WWII documentary.

The end.

At least we know the last part of this fantasy will come true...