I had the honor of being part of an intramural dodgeball team this semester. Of course they asked me to play because of my unmatched athletic skills and cat-like reflexes. Or maybe it was because they just needed another name on the roster/someone to make fun of. Hmmm...
There was a lot of training that went into these games. Two-a-day practices every day for a year. Running every morning at 5 am. Watching lots of film (My favorite was Sherlock Holmes). Death crawls on the football field. Standing in front of a pitching machine. We lived, breathed and became dodgeball. But as soon as we stepped off of the bus and onto the court in our snap-off jumpsuits for the first time, and the lights dimmed and "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" started playing on the PA system, all of the blood, sweat and tears faded away into a distant memory. It was time to hit people.
The team's main strategy was to confuse/intimidate/embarrass every team we played. We did this mainly through our themed uniforms, but also through the clever things we yelled at them (i.e. "Y'all are stupid!" and "Your mom!"). But when yelling simply wasn't enough, we came up with the best gameplan of all: scrabble night. That's right. Everyone wear a different letter, and we'll form the most appropriate messages to spell, not yell, to the other team:
"Why be weak?" Yes, this was the best we could come up with. We didn't have enough vowels, ok?
My personal strategy was to hang around the back and hide behind people. We had a winning season, so I think it worked well.
Toward the end of the season, the team was hit with spring fever. Hard. We all tried to wear our g-string bikinis to one game, but it turns out we attend a private Christian college. It's ok, though. If you think it hurts to get hit by a dodgeball while fully clothed, then you can only imagine...
Even though the 2010 season is over, and even though some of us are graduating, we have not stopped practicing. No, quite the opposite. We have actually increased our training. Why? Two words: London 2012. Yep, they're adding dodgeball to the Olympic events.
Well, I've got to go now. Everyone is waiting on me at the gym, and I still have to go take my steroids.
I'm out. (...like a fat girl [or Brittany] in dodgeball...)
No comments:
Post a Comment